Category Archives: Uncategorized

I was in sixth grade when the AIDS crisis hit its stride. Because I grew up in the LGBT community, I watched friends in the church fall ill and ultimately succumb to an untimely death. Funerals and memorials became a regular part of my routine, while other 12 year-olds were going to the mall and playing Super Mario Brothers.

My early exposure and experience stirred a deep passion and commitment for advocacy and awareness on behalf of my friends and the many others unknown and unnamed to me. While it’s easy to remember those closest to me, it is equally important to remember that HIV/AIDS crosses all barriers of gender, age, ethnic, social, economical, and geographical boundaries. In fact, studies have shown that HIV/AIDS is prolific in the trans* community and new cases are on the rise every year.

Last year I wrote the song Nameless as a tribute to those who are living with HIV/AIDS and to those who have lost their lives to this disease. On this World AIDS Day, we have a choice and an opportunity to redefine society’s perception of HIV/AIDS. The stigma can be diminished by breaking the silence, normalizing the experience, and offering support and encouragement to those afflicted with HIV/AIDS. Take a moment to watch Nameless and feel free to share it with others who would benefit from its message:

~ Julie Walsh

On November 28, 1998, Rita Hester was brutally stabbed to death in her Boston-suburbs apartment. A candlelight vigil drawing over 250 friends in her community commemorated this tragic event. One year later, San Francisco activists, stirred by her story and others like hers, held the first Transgender Day of Remembrance. Over a decade later, TDoR has become an annual worldwide event which memorializes trans* people who have died as a result of transphobia.

It is not enough to collectively remember their names, however. In honor of their legacy, we should commit to stand up to make a difference. Each of us at some point in our lives has been oppressed, yet we rarely acknowledge that we also regularly act as an oppressor.

• When we insist that another trans* person is not male or female “enough,” we are perpetuating oppression.

• When we stereotype lesbians, bisexuals, gay men, heterosexuals, and trans* people we are perpetuating oppression.

• When we tell racist, sexist, or classist jokes, we are perpetuating oppression.

• When we stand by silently in a conversation while another individual or affinity group is defamed, we are perpetuating oppression.

• When we sit idle on the sidelines while someone else stands up for equal rights or hate crimes legislation, we are perpetuating oppression.

Many names will be read this year on the Day of Remembrance, yet many others remain anonymous and unknown. On a day that honors the legacies of those who have gone before, consider the kind of legacy you would leave if you died tomorrow. Whether you are a friend, family member, partner, ally, or gender variant yourself, you can make a change for the better. Every voice counts when it comes to education, awareness, and advocacy. Let’s vow to make a conscious effort to end oppression, beginning with ourselves.

~ Julie Walsh

The more I research scholarly journals about trans* issues; write more papers, articles, and blogs; and speak at conferences, universities, and random panel events, the more exasperated I feel about the inconsistent language within the trans* community.

We are a diverse community of transsexual, bi-gender, multi-gender, pangender, non-gender, gender blender, gender bender, gender gifted, gender fuck, genderqueer, drag queen, drag king, androgynous, two-spirited, third sex, and gender-nonconforming people, among many other identities. Historically, each of these labels has been classified as variations of the term transgender, but there are some who have traditionally identified as one label or another and do not simultaneously identify as transgender. Lengthy, heated debates have been hashed out in trans* forums about the transgender umbrella and people from varying identities have expressed the desire to separate themselves in order to declare self-autonomy and independence. I respect the choice each person has to select a label or non-label with which to identify. Those who are gender variant, however, have similar legal and medical concerns so for this purpose, we must band together to obtain rights on a unified front. Beyond that, individual identities can be honored and in order to promote inclusiveness, the current shift is to utilize the term trans* to represent everyone along the entire gender spectrum without limiting someone to the transgender label.

This shift from transgender to trans* is only a drop in the bucket of language problems however.

First, the term transgender is used and misused inside and outside the community. We typically accept its use as an adjective: The transgender man was talking on the phone. I have also seen it used far too often as a noun, seemingly for ease of communication: The transgender was talking on the phone. Sometimes it has been used as a verb: He transgenders from male to female. Not only that, but the ed is sometimes added at the end of the word which definitively shifts the word to verb tense. So is it transgender or transgendered? Adjective, noun, or verb?

Second, there is no clear, consistent use of the term transsexual. Originally a term developed by the medical community to describe the physical transition that happens with surgery, transsexual has been reclaimed and redefined by the community. But who is worthy of using this label? Is it anyone who is on the cross-gender binary? Can someone who has not yet had surgery claim this label or is it solely reserved for post-op individuals? Is someone who has had surgery required to use this label? Can those who don’t intend to have surgery call themselves transsexual?

How do we identity the partner of a trans* person without sounding awkward or offending that person? There are no widely accepted labels for those who are attracted to a gender variant person. It’s possible that the partner does not label one’s self as gay, lesbian, straight or bisexual. Pansexual may not be  accurate, and in its technical definition pan- represents any person or any thing to which one may be attracted. Queer is not definitive, and though reclaimed out of pride by some in the community, it still has a negative connotation across generational lines. Transsensual has been tossed out as an option to define those who are specifically attracted to those who are trans*, but it is a little-known, “untested” label.

Shifting terminology not only has the community confused about which terms to use, but it also confuses family, friends, social workers, therapists, and doctors who are trying to be sensitive in their communication. Consider all of the nonconforming trans* jargon: Gender-assigned vs. Birth-assigned, Bio-female vs. Cis-female vs. Genetic woman, F to M vs. FtM vs. F2M, Gender Straight vs. Gender Normative, SRS vs. GRS. And let’s not even begin to dive into the muddled world of gender-neutral pronoun options!

We stigmatize one another with the language barriers that have been put into place. The semantics are awkward and inconsistent. With all of these complications, I propose that a major overhaul is necessary. How do we, then, unify the language in a time when there doesn’t seem to be unity within the trans* community as a whole? What group of persons would be deemed worthy enough to create a definitive language system? And if the community can come to a new vocabulary consensus, what methods do we use to perform the daunting task of educating the entire trans* community, the medical and social work communities, and global society?

Regardless of whether this is possibility or pipedream and whether each of us believe in labels or non-labels, the lack of clear, agreed-upon vocabulary hurts the cause for education and advocacy for the trans* community. It’s time to decide what terminology should be retired and which should be accepted, and to begin using semantics consistently across generational and geographical boundaries. This will empower the community, our cause, and those who are walking alongside us in our journey.

~ Julie Walsh

Happy National Coming Out Day!

I believe a day like today is more than just swinging through the closet doors and flaunting a true-to-you, new-to-others identity to everyone within the sound of the pulsating rhythms of Born this Way. Coming out is a process that is self-determined according to personal strength and courage in relation to the complex nature of surrounding relationships.

Regardless of where you are in the coming out process, pause for a few moments today to reflect on the space where you are in the journey…

Perhaps you are at the beginning stages of discovery, learning who you want to be and determining how you want others to perceive you. You may not be ready to fling into a full-time transition for any number of reasons: a threat to your marriage or partnership, a risk in the loss of your job, or a paralyzing fear of altering your body with hormones or surgery that may not produce the fullness of results that you desire. The conflict is so loud in your mind that you can barely hear yourself think. On this day, just stop. Stop the noise. Stop the internal conflict. Stop the negative self-talk. Breathe in; breathe out. Today, make it your goal to simply come out to yourself. Accept yourself. Love yourself. You are worthy to be who you really are.

You might be somewhere in the process of transitioning and presenting as the gender that is intrinsically you. You may feel impatient that physical changes are not coming fast enough. You might be frustrated that your family or your friends don’t understand your decision to present this way. You may be financially strapped and unable to afford the surgery that you believe is critical to your whole self. Your complaint box is full and your wish list is long. So do something different today: Use this day to focus your mind on one change you can make that is attainable and realistic. Set a goal that is specific and time-bound. Make a plan and commit to the work it will take to get it done.

Maybe you have been living in your authentic identity for quite some time now. Are you helping others understand your journey or do you find yourself becoming tired and defensive when answering the same questions over and over? Are you open and transparent about the way you have shaped gender or have you chosen to live stealth? Do you try to forget the gender in which you were raised? Today, remember the struggle you and your family faced in the initial stages when you shifted your gender expression along with the desperate need you felt to connect with someone else who shared your struggle. Today, consider adjusting your approach and willingness to share your story with others who are searching to know someone just like you. The comfortability you have with your whole self is mirrored to those around you.

Regardless of your outed wear, this is a special day to celebrate who you are and where you have been in your journey. This is a day that has been set aside to reflect, encourage, and nudge you toward living a life of authenticity, openness, and transparency. Make this day worthwhile. Move one small step closer to present that version of you that you want people to know best. Make your outer wear, outed wear.

~ Julie Walsh

A common question people ask me is, “How has your transition affected your relationship with God?” There was a time when I would have said the relationship would not change in the least bit – that because I am the same person and God is the same God, nothing could change between us. But now that I am six years into my transition, I realize that statement is not true.

God may be the same God, but I am not the same person. I no longer feel awkward in my own skin. Instead, I am more relaxed and confident in myself and I look to the future with purpose and enthusiasm.

Before my transition I related to God on an emotional level, often sending my prayers to Heaven on a wave of tears. Neither God nor I have been afraid of emotions, so we used them to talk to each other, whether I was happy or sad. Now I express my emotion differently. Tears don’t come as easily, so I find myself talking to God from a different emotional space.

I believe that every person experiences their relationship with God differently based on where they are in their lives. I didn’t have the same relationship with God when I was twenty as I did when I was twelve; and I don’t have the same relationship with God now as I did when I was twenty.

Well-intentioned Christians have spoken sternly to me about the fate of my relationship with God if I dared to forsake the “straight and narrow” as defined by the church of my youth. But my relationship with God is my own, directed by the wheel of my own understanding and decisions; there is no switch that can be flipped by others if I steer my relationship with God down a path that is forbidden by the church.

All of my life God has known what I look like, inside and out. I didn’t surprise God when I transitioned from female to male, and I certainly didn’t build a wall between us. The only thing that changed was the approach – the way I talk to God, the way I relate to God, and the level of comfort I feel with God now that I’m more comfortable with myself.

What is your relationship like with God? Have you been afraid to talk to God because of some decision you’ve made that other people don’t approve of? Don’t let the concerns of others hijack your relationship with God. It is your birthright, and you may be surprised at just how much you and God have in common!

~ Brent Walsh

Do you want to learn more about what it means to be trans*? Those who have changed their gender expression have typically been the points of contact, and if they are willing to serve as educators and advocates will gladly answer your questions and explain the nuances of being trans*.

But consider someone else who may know these intimate details just as well as the trans* person: the partner! This is someone who has an external perspective that the trans* person doesn’t have. As a partner or spouse of an individual who has changed or is currently changing their gender expression,  s/he has most likely engaged in intimate discussions about self-discovery in the trans* person’s life. S/He has witnessed the medical  and hormonal effects on the body, emotions, and libido. The partner understands the legal red tape of name and gender tag changes on document after document, as well as navigating through insurance complexities. The partner has often been personally involved in the formation of a new family dynamic, exploring what it means to now live as a gay, lesbian, or hetero-normative looking couple.

But living as the partner of a trans* person can often result in an imaginary existence. While the spotlight shines on the one whose gender expression has changed, the partner often stands in the shadow just shuffling their feet, waiting to be engaged in the discussion.

More than being a willing resource to answer questions, though, is the partner’s desire to be recognized for their own transition story. Regardless of whether the partner walked through the physical transition or not, partners have often had to re-examine their own identity and the social implications that go with it, learn how to sexually navigate their partner’s body, and defend their attraction for their trans* partner to people who don’t understand.

To our trans* friends, let your partner have a voice. Redirect conversations and discussions to include them and make them feel important. It’s not all about you.

To the partners, don’t take it personally. Talk gently with your trans* partner and encourage them to include you in the conversation. If this remains a challenge for you both, strategize about who will field various points of discussion so that you can each take a turn.

To friends and family, be open and willing to learn from multiple perspectives – from the trans* person, partner, along with other family and friends.

If our main objective is to build and grow in our relationships with one another, then it’s time to move away from a spotlight mentality and be willing to share the stage with everyone in the cast.

~ Julie Walsh

Before my transition to male, I identified as lesbian. I was in my early 30s when I transitioned, and I had a long time to get comfortable in that lesbian identity. I went to the softball games, danced at the clubs, and sipped beer at the back yard barbecues. I took pride in my “gaydar” and the ability I had to share a look and a nod of the head to another woman across the restaurant or department store sending an unspoken acknowledgement that we were members of the same community.

I had a lot of typically male characteristics: the way I walked, the way I dressed, my hobbies and interests, and I was perfectly happy in my male-dominated career of truck driving. I had known all my life that I was not really female, but it was not something I ever talked about with my friends. Sometimes I would dress up in drag for Halloween, using face paint to apply a beard and mustache. My friends would get a kick out of how well I pulled it off. All of these things were perfectly acceptable in my presentation as a butch lesbian, but never once did I come out and say that I was really a guy because to do that would risk being seen as troubled, unstable, or out of touch with reality.

Unfortunately, the decision for someone to express themselves differently than their birth-assigned gender sometimes comes with certain casualties. So it was with great uncertainty that I came out as trans* to one friend after another at the age of 32. Some of my friends surprised me with an outpouring of support and affirmation. It was encouraging that I could be true to myself and still have friends whose only concern was my happiness.

Other friends did not take the news so well. They simply could not understand this desire to be a man no matter how I tried to explain it. Some saw this transition as an act of betrayal, as if being lesbian was not good enough for me. Some questioned my integrity wondering if I had been so dishonest about my true identity for all those years, what else had I been dishonest about? Had our entire friendship been a sham? Still others thought, as I had feared, that I may have been completely unstable. They had not understood that this was a decision that I had been contemplating for many years and not just a decision made on a whim.

From my perspective as trans*, I can admit that I experienced a lot of fear, excitement, anxiety, uncertainty, and elation. Within that torrent of emotions, I wasn’t equipped to adequately explain what was going on inside of me and you couldn’t have known all the mental and emotional preparation I had to do before I got to the point of transition. Sometimes I forgot that you needed more time to transition with me. But let me assure you, the time was right and I was ready.

Both sides can come together when we remember that the foundation of friendship, like any relationship, should be built on honesty and communication. The trans*person has finally found the courage to live in an authentic gender only before imagined in dreams. With all the ramifications that this person had to consider, this may be the purest demonstration of honesty and integrity that exists. For those left watching the transition unfold, grace and patience must be granted by the one who is trans*, acknowledging that the one physically transitioning is not the only one who needs to explore the transition process more deeply.

Both sides will be transitioning, in their own way and their own timing. Let’s be willing to work together, through all of the emotions that arise, and make it to the other side together!

~ Brent Walsh